The
awful English language- The
bandage was wound around the wound.
- The
farm was used to produce produce.
- The
dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We
must polish the Polish furniture.
- He
could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The
soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- The
present is a good time to present the present.
- A
bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When
shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I
did not object to the object.
- The
insurance for the invalid was invalid.
- There
was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They
were too close to the door to close it.
- The
buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A
seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To
help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The
wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After
a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon
seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I
had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How
can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's
face it English is a crazy language. Besides the above, there is no egg
in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We
tend to take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose,
two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy
that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why
didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? Sometimes
I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play a recital? Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can
a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites? You
have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn
up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which
an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race
at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible. |